My mind is filled with moving boxes and grandiose plans which somehow never seem to come to fruition. Same old, same old really.
This time, I swear I will NEVER move again. I'm so over packing, unpacking, decorating and making new spaces feel like "home"!!!
What IS home really? Is it a place where you feel safe? Is it a place where you are warm and comfortable? Is it a place which has all of the furniture matching and not a thing out of place? Or is it a place where you eat and sleep and gravitate from? I'm sure I don't know and I can't say that I've ever really experienced any of the above with the exception of the latter. Will that change with this last house move? Watch this space....
I know that now that I have come to my last day at the farm here at Hamilton, that I am sad. I had hoped things could have worked out better but clearly it wasn't to be. When I look back over the past 3 years here, as much as I love the place, there really has been a lot of bad luck so maybe a change isn't overdue after all. I've experienced many bad things, serious fires, animals being stolen, upheaval in my personal life, illness, injuries and a lot of sadness and for a while, a dangerous increase in my depression. But then, on the good side, I've also done a lot of growing within myself, learned how to wear "big girl panties" without them pinching TOO hard, met some lovely people, experienced some lovely things; the birth of a foal, the amazing whispering noise as the snow falls down outside your windows, beautiful scenery, an increased love for photography and of course, the birth of my absolutely incredible best friend and constant companion, Roger!!
Tomorrow sees the departure of the horses. I will miss not being able to walk out my back door and get horsey snuggles. When your hands are cold there is NOTHING like sticking them under a horse rug and cuddling into a lovely warm neck and breathing in that pure, horse scent. If I could work out how to bottle "horse" and "puppy breath" (not together of course), I'd be a millionaire!!! I'll miss the horses, but I know that Dewey will be just fine with his new owner and Tia will still be mine, just not living with me. At least that's how it will be for the time being. Long term...I don't know. I may still sell her. Or I may not. I'll see........
And now it is time to go and battle those books, boxes and sealing wax. Moving day is tomorrow and I need to start deciding what I'm taking with me.......
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